If you’ll be in the downtown Columbia area this weekend, and you’re planning on using an abandoned building for your cockfighting tournament (big if, huh?), steer clear of the Carolina Plaza building. Sunday morning at 8:00, 500 pounds of dynamite will be used to implode the building. And what’s a little productive destruction without making a little cash on the side? You see, as part of a university fundraiser, USC is allowing people to put paper items in the building before the implosion. For $20, you can say adios to whatever piece of paper is the biggest bane of your existence. So far, people have donated everything from a photo of an ex-spouse to a book jacket from Nicholas Sparks’ Message in a Bottle.

If you’re interested in having a paper of yours destroyed, buy a paper shredder you have until Thursday to send it in. Read all the details here. I think I’m going to send in my box of old Betty White love letters. While my late ’90s love affair with the Golden Gal was one of the happiest times of my life, reading her old love notes fills me with an aching desire to relive these old times. Folks, I’ve got to move on. The only way to rid myself of this torture is to destroy her poignant letters.

By the way, this university fundraiser sounds like a sweet racket, so here’s the deal. I’ll destroy your painful papers, too. And I’ll do it for only $5 a paper. Sure, I can’t promise as flashy of a demise as a building implosion, but my paper shredder is fairly loud. And I can make pretty impressive explosion implosion noises with my mouth.

A few months ago, Jonathan put me on the spot and asked me to explain Google [RSS] Reader. I finally decided that I should return from my long hiatus from Colaspot to fulfill his request. Jonathan explained how RSS is a great way to keep up with your favorite sites without wearing out the Refresh button on your browser. Let Google help you with that.

Read the rest of this entry »

Video game companies know we’re suckers. So does Apple. That’s why they release the same products over and over with a few slight changes, like a sleaker look, and a few new functions here and there, and we enthusiastically buy them. Nintendo has been a master at this strategy with all of their handhelds. There was the original Gameboy, Gameboy Pocket, Gameboy Color, and Gameboy Amish. And who can forget the original Gameboy Advance going through two redesigns. Now it’s the DS’s turn.

In Japan today, Nintendo announced the new and improved DS Lite. See, it’s a play on words because it’s lighter with a slimmer, sexier look (two ounces lighter than the previous DS), and has a brighter screen. The DS Lite will be released in Japan on March 2 (my birthday; want to import me a birthday gift?). No word on a U.S. date, but I’m sure we’ll be seeing it here by summer.

Not only is the DS kicking the pants off the PSP, now one of Sony’s few remaining advantages - a sexier, less bulky design - is about to be no more. And yes, calling a piece of video game hardware “sexy” twice in one post does officially nominate me for nerd of the year.

The bands participating in this year’s 3 Rivers Music Festival were announced yesterday, and boy are they…bands. The biggest name annouced was the love ‘em or passionately hate ‘em ’70’s rock band Styx. Other performers announced include bluegrass sensation Nickel Creek, Folkster Richie Havens, Bluesman Pinetop Perkins, Autoharpist Bryan Bowers, and Gospel group Doc McKenzie and the Hi-Lites. You might want to go back and reread that last sentence as you’re never going to see a better quality list of performers. You’re pumped now, aren’t you?

Far be it from me to badmouth the brilliant minds that gave us Mr. Roboto, but it’s pretty pathetic that Styx is the biggest name on the list. Remember the post where I mentioned how you could go to 3 Rivers’ website and vote for your favorite performers? Remember how that list included Weezer, Audioslave, and Foo Fighters just to name a few (and that was just the rock category)? Why’d they get our hopes up?

Oh, and you will now have Mr. Roboto stuck in your head for the rest of the day. You’re welcome. Hey, it’s better that than Come Sail Away.

You’ve heard a lot about the problem with propery taxes in South Carolina. In fact, you may have been doing some of the griping that has forced legislators to put property tax reform at the top of their to-do list during this session. Let’s just hope our state lawmakers aren’t inspired by Texas gubernatorial candidate Star Locke’s idea. The politician wants to completely eliminate property taxes statewide by taxing “violent video games” by a bat crap insane 50%. Under Locke’s plan, games would be deemed “violent” by a 10-member committee, and taxes would “be levied swiftly” against the game companies responsible for the filth. I hope the committee doesn’t consist of a group of politicians; do you seriously think they could even turn on a PS2?

Locke also wants the tax to apply to not only video games but other things like soft drinks(?) and abortions(?!). On a related note, this marks the first time “video games” has been in the same sentence with “soft drinks” and “abortions.” These three have so much in common; it’s about time a tax applied to all of them. As we all know, Grand Theft Auto is sin on a DVD that is sending society to Hell and playing it is just as evil as killing an unborn child. And don’t get me started on those soft drinks that are all the craze with the kids these days. Those fizzy bubbles go straight to young people’s brains and force them to do horrible acts of violence just like Doom does. I’d better stop before the Sarcasm Police drag me away.

At least West Virgina has realized that video games can be more than murder simulators, as they are the first state in the U.S. to incorporate Dance Dance Revolution into their physical education programs. In fact, they’re using DDR in all 765 of their public schools. That’s the kind of idea that’ll turn gym-dreading nerds into star athletes (at least on the dance pad).

After my post on a possible Futurama resurrection a few weeks ago, I figured I’d provide an update for the two of you who care. While Fox has yet to announce a return to television, they have given the greenlight for four direct-to-DVD movies. Billy West, who provides the voices of Fry, Zoidberg, Farnsworth, and Zapp Brannigan (along with tons of other cartoon characters like Ren and Stimpy) made the announcement on his official website.

Want another Futurama fun fact? If you do a search for Futurama in Google Images, you’ll find tons of nude Leela fan art. Disturbing? Sure. But it’s not as bad as some of the images I found while doing a search for last week’s Brokeback Mountain post.

As if there weren’t enough reasons already to hate Jared Fogle, Subway’s former-fatty spokesman, he dropped a big ‘ol hate bomb on gamers (specifically Nintendo) at a recent lecture at the University of Missouri-Columbia. According to a story on 1up.com, which they got from Columbia Daily News, Jared reflected on what got him to 425 pounds. He cited the culprit as “the best birthday present of my life: a Nintendo.” He went on to say “I usually had one hand on the controller and one in a bag of chips.” While Mr. and Mrs. Fogle tried to limit their little eating machine’s video games, Jared said he found ways around their restrictions.

So let me get this straight, Jared. You showed zero responsibility and instead of using video games as a fun hobby, you showed no self-control and used the downtime to stuff your face. And now the same guy who promotes healthy fast food choices and responsible eating is using video games as the reason why his old pants could comfortably house a family of big boned hobos? Video games are always the scapegoat for violent teenagers and school shootings. Now we’re going to target them as the origin of annoying fast food endorsers? Sure, there are a lot of pudgy little Pokemon fans that should get off their Pokebehinds and exercise, but this should be blamed on their own laziness and lack of self-control along with abysmal parenting. Jared’s Nintendo smack talk is no different than a recovering alcoholic blaming a sports car manufacturer for their alcoholism after smashing their car into a tree during a round of drunk driving.

Sure, I know Jared’s comments weren’t meant to spark a war against video games. But I’m tired of seeing society’s problems, big and small, blamed on the gaming industry. And the final straw is hearing a nerdlinger like Jared pulling a wholesome, family oriented gaming company’s name into his own problems. He doesn’t have the sense to not put a fatty burger into his mouth after he just ate an entire cake? Yep, that’s because of video games.

I’ll get off of my soapbox now. But first one more complaint. What the heck is up with Jared’s lips? That man needs some ChapStick and fast.

I’ve been hearing from mulitiple people that 24 is a TV show that’s right up my alley. But seeing as I have a hard enough time watching The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, Lost, Scrubs, My Name is Earl, The Office, The O.C., and Gilmore Girls (laugh all you want, but it’s funny, wonderfully written, and has the hottest mother/daughter combo on TV), I’ve never been able to fit Fox’s action phenom in my tight schedule. I almost watched the two hour season opener last night, but I’m glad I didn’t given the uproar in today’s local news.

Columbia’s Fox affiliate, WACH, really dropped the ball last night. You see, the start of 24 was delayed because a football game went past its scheduled 8 p.m. off time. Naturally, this made 24 run over its 10 p.m. off time by several minutes. No biggie, right? It is when Fox decides to show the 10 p.m. news at its regular time, cutting short the final moments of 24. A flood of complaints from local viewers forced WACH to acknowledge the mistake. In response to the outcry from Jack Bauer’s Midlands fans, WACH is reairing the last hour of the premier tonight at 7 p.m. While I don’t know a lot about making programming decisions for TV networks, I do know that you don’t mess around with the rabid fans of 24 or Lost. These audiences tend to have their local affiliates on speed dial in case of any moronic programming decisions.

An article in today’s State has great news for fans of gay westerns: critics’ darling Brokeback Mountain is finally heading to Columbia. Seeing as it’s been five weeks since the movie’s debut, many thought our state’s conservative attitude kept it away. However, the article cites economics as the real reason it’s taken so long.

For those of you that have been living under a homophobic rock for the past month, Brokeback Mountain is about two cowboy lovers played by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. The movie is one of the biggest contenders this Oscar season, proving what I’ve always said about Hollywood: Hollywood loves gay cowboy pictures. While I have not seen the movie, I hear it is the best movie about gay cowboys since John Wayne’s rarely seen 1968 classic, Pink Pistols at Noon. Now if only my screenplay about gay astronauts would get picked up by a studio. And kudos to me for fighting the urge to throw in a “rawhide” joke.

On Friday, Google announced Google Video Store, a service that will let people rent or buy downloadable videos online. In honor of them jumping on the online video bandwagon alongside Apple and Microsoft, I thought I’d round up a few examples of great Google videos that you can watch for free. First up, is an amazing feat that will make nerds’ jaws hit the floor. You’ve seen the video of the guy beating Super Mario Bros. 3 in 11 minutes, right? Well, how about this video of a guy beating Super Mario 64 in 16 minutes? It’s enough to make you chant for Mario. And if none of that is your thing, there’s always this video of a kid with a mullet singing about Pokemon. God bless you, Google.