If you’ll be in the downtown Columbia area this weekend, and you’re planning on using an abandoned building for your cockfighting tournament (big if, huh?), steer clear of the Carolina Plaza building. Sunday morning at 8:00, 500 pounds of dynamite will be used to implode the building. And what’s a little productive destruction without making a little cash on the side? You see, as part of a university fundraiser, USC is allowing people to put paper items in the building before the implosion. For $20, you can say adios to whatever piece of paper is the biggest bane of your existence. So far, people have donated everything from a photo of an ex-spouse to a book jacket from Nicholas Sparks’ Message in a Bottle.

If you’re interested in having a paper of yours destroyed, buy a paper shredder you have until Thursday to send it in. Read all the details here. I think I’m going to send in my box of old Betty White love letters. While my late ’90s love affair with the Golden Gal was one of the happiest times of my life, reading her old love notes fills me with an aching desire to relive these old times. Folks, I’ve got to move on. The only way to rid myself of this torture is to destroy her poignant letters.

By the way, this university fundraiser sounds like a sweet racket, so here’s the deal. I’ll destroy your painful papers, too. And I’ll do it for only $5 a paper. Sure, I can’t promise as flashy of a demise as a building implosion, but my paper shredder is fairly loud. And I can make pretty impressive explosion implosion noises with my mouth.