For about a year now, I’ve been saying penguins are the new monkeys. While March of the Penguins helped peddle penguins to mainstream moviegoers, today’s front page article in The State further propels these formal fowls. Riverbanks Zoo is now the proud home of rare penugins called Gentoos. While this article serves as one of those adorable human interest stories newspapers love so much, it also is possible foreshadowing of some disturbing future headlines. According to the article, if they were given room to build up enough speed, Gentoo penguins could fly. As chilling (no pun intended) of a thought as this is, you’ll be even more alarmed if your brain progresses to the next logical conclusion: If Gentoo penugins had talons, they would fly out of their confines at the zoo and become violent birds of prey, feeding on our young and wreaking havoc in the Midlands. Hopefully, Riverbanks officials are keeping us safe by cramming the penguins in tight enclosures, PETA be damned.