I will look back on 2005 as the most defining year of my life. During this eventful year, I graduated from college, got married to my wonderful wife, Karen, got a job using my shiny, new degree, and as this column has focused on, moved from Aiken to the Columbia area. While these events will always stand out in my mind, let’s be honest. We all know there’s one thing in 2005 we will remember the most vividly. That’s right, 2005 will go down as the year Tom Cruise went bat crap insane.

I sensed something was off with Cruise when I interviewed him earlier this year for my now defunct blog, Atomic Soapbox. If you happen to visit my old stomping grounds, pay attention to the fifth and final post, and you’ll understand why it went under so quickly - it was either AS or what you’re reading now.

For those of you who missed the original post, here’s my interview with the insane star:

Atomic Soap Box: Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to me.

Tom Cruise: No problem, I’m a big fan of your site.

ASB: How nice! First off, I have to know: how awesome is M:I3 going to be? I’m so excited about this film! I might have to take some Valium to calm myself!

TC: Look, that’s a really irresponsible thing to say. You haven’t studied psychiatry, but I have. All this medicine they’re prescribing to people is completely unnecessary. For instance, look at Brooke Shields. I read where she suffered from postpartum depression and even though I know nothing about Mrs. Shields, her medical history, her condition, pregnancy, being a woman, or heterosexual relationships that are not forced publicity stunts, I feel she is sending a horrible message to others.

ASB: Well, I’m sorry. I wasn’t being serious about taking Valium. I was just joking about the fact that I’m so excited-

TC: I’ve studied this stuff. I am a SCIENTOLOGIST. (Editor’s Note: Cruise made me type this all-caps due to its importance, exclusivity, and sign of his good character. He also said it makes him better than you.) These doctors should be prosecuted for diagnosing these fake diseases and prescribing these corrupting medicines. Like just the other day, some fool doctor told me he thought I was a bipolar schizophrenic. I punched him in the face and proceeded to look for the hidden Nazi bomb that I broke into his office to find.

ASB: Fascinating. How are wedding plans going? Is Katie excited?

This is all I got to transcribe from the interview, as Cruise began jumping up and down excitedly, overturning his chair and smashing my tape recorder in the process. After I finally caught up with Cruise two hours later as he was running full-speed up the interstate screaming about his love, I thanked him for taking the time to talk with me.

Congratulations Tommy Boy! You did something I once thought was impossible: you out-crazied Michael Jackson this year. Kudos!