You’ve heard a lot about the problem with propery taxes in South Carolina. In fact, you may have been doing some of the griping that has forced legislators to put property tax reform at the top of their to-do list during this session. Let’s just hope our state lawmakers aren’t inspired by Texas gubernatorial candidate Star Locke’s idea. The politician wants to completely eliminate property taxes statewide by taxing “violent video games” by a bat crap insane 50%. Under Locke’s plan, games would be deemed “violent” by a 10-member committee, and taxes would “be levied swiftly” against the game companies responsible for the filth. I hope the committee doesn’t consist of a group of politicians; do you seriously think they could even turn on a PS2?

Locke also wants the tax to apply to not only video games but other things like soft drinks(?) and abortions(?!). On a related note, this marks the first time “video games” has been in the same sentence with “soft drinks” and “abortions.” These three have so much in common; it’s about time a tax applied to all of them. As we all know, Grand Theft Auto is sin on a DVD that is sending society to Hell and playing it is just as evil as killing an unborn child. And don’t get me started on those soft drinks that are all the craze with the kids these days. Those fizzy bubbles go straight to young people’s brains and force them to do horrible acts of violence just like Doom does. I’d better stop before the Sarcasm Police drag me away.

At least West Virgina has realized that video games can be more than murder simulators, as they are the first state in the U.S. to incorporate Dance Dance Revolution into their physical education programs. In fact, they’re using DDR in all 765 of their public schools. That’s the kind of idea that’ll turn gym-dreading nerds into star athletes (at least on the dance pad).